I had a long talk with my friend George last night. He told me that I think I need to be with a man to be happy..... that I depend on someone else for my own happiness....instead of finding that happiness within my own self. These are not his exact words but this sums it up and he's been telling me this for years. I don't really like listening when he tells me this but that's only because I know he is right and I can be a very stubborn person. He told me that I think I'm looking for someone but that someone is not a man, not any person... but just myself. As much as I hate admitting that it's true. I have to say I was angry at him last night when he was telling me these things because they are things I do not want to hear. Maybe I just want to continue on, pretending I'm happy and pretending that all is well in my world. He tells me I need to let it go. Let it go to God. I don't know why it's so hard for me to do that. Maybe it means I feel like I'd be losing control. It does feel that way. At times I feel like I'm going thru the motions of living. Just existing. I do believe that we, along with God are the creators of our own lives. We have free will and are not puppets on a string that are held by the hands of God/Mother God. So I do know that I've created this life myself for a reason. I believe that our whole lives are just an experience we have so we can finally remember who we truly are. A perfect child of God. Created in LOVE. The only real sin is separation from God.
So how do I come to be happy within myself? That answer is somewhere within me and in all of us. We just have to open our hearts and remember.
Love you you all.