Wednesday, August 15, 2012

As each day goes by I realize what a crazy relationship I was in. The funny thing is....that while I was in it, I was blinded. Maybe what they is true.  It took this distance to be able to see it for what it was. Even before I came to Massachusetts, there are some things that I should have picked up on while we were talking on the phone. But I just ignored those things.

While I was still in New Mexico several things happened that I now realize are strange. One thing was that he told me that he had this App on his phone that enabled him to see what I was doing on my phone. He said it told him when I (and others )went on Facebook or on a browser. I don't know why I chose to believe him. He would tell me that I was going on Facebook and on the internet too much. Then later, he tried to tell me that he had another App that enabled him to see the messages between myself and others on Facebook....the private messages. I told him at the time that I did not believe this. He tried to tell me that I'd written very private things to this one guy that we went to school with. He had me in tears and I wanted to hang up on him and told him so.  He did finally say he was sorry. I should have realized that something was not right with his brain. He has told me several times that he has *brain damage* from so much drinking in the past. I am beginning to believe it.

Another thing that I noticed was that after awhile he started texting someone a lot. He would hide around the corner in the kitchen, or in the bedroom texting away. He would always say he was texting his brother. I knew then, and I know know that he was lying. Did he really think that I would be that stupid to not know he was texting a woman in South Carolina? He would also sit outside in his car for a long period of time when he got home late at night and just sit there on the phone. When I asked him about it, he said he was checking his schedule. I knew he was lying. Eventually I brought it up. I told him that before I came here to Massachusettes that he needed to make sure his previous relationship was over. I even asked him this....."If she stopped drinking all the time would you go back to her?" He said that he never would under any circumstances. He'd told me that she drank every day....starting in the morning and drank all day long. He also told me that she had relations with quite a few other men before and after he visited her but while they were a couple. Anyhow when I asked him about the texting and the phone calls, he denied it all. Well guess who is there with him now at his place? He just makes it very hard for me to have trust in anyone. I don't know why he had so much trouble telling the truth about things. He even lied about himself. He was not as tall as he said he was and I really didn't care about that buy why lie? There are other lies as well but on a more personal level so I won't go into them. It seems like the relationship was one big lie.


  1. You're a lucky woman to be sure. Sounds like a controlling man. A year from now, you would have been a pretty unhappy woman. Count your blessings.

  2. Maybe it was a test about objective listening? And about actions speaking louder than words? I know I had to learn those things the hard way myself.

    When I didn't love myself, I was too eager to grasp at the offer of love from elsewhere. That's the sad truth for me. It wasn't so much a matter of trust. Trust is not a bad thing. It was being blinded by my own need--which made me easy pickin's for the ones others could easily see through.

    You don't need anyone else to make you feel worthwhile. You have a shining soul. Allow it to heal and nurture it well. *love and hugs*

  3. I'm pleased for you that you found out before things got too far.
    I just don't understand men who treat women that way...they can't have their cake and eat it, plus he sounds like a waster anyway, you are better off without him.