It's been so long since I've written anything on this blog. I had it private for a long time but just today, I changed it back. It felt like the right thing to do and there is somebody who I want to read it. The reasons that I changed it in the first place do not seem to matter anymore. I changed it because certain people from my past were making comments that were not so nice. None of that seems to matter right now. I spent the afternoon reading old blog posts way back from when I started posting.
Lately, I have been telling myself that the past 8 years were something that I want to erase from my memory but I have realized something. I can't erase the past. It is what it is. Reading back....I read about things that I'd forgotten ...things that made me laugh, and some really good times that we had. I can't just delete them like I'm hitting a key on a computer and I don't really want to. Everything that has happened over those years has led me where I am now and to who I am now. I am still trying to figure out if I even like the person I am now. One minute I am angry, then sad.....just a whole range of emotions. I can't seem to get motivated to do anything. I have this amazing man in my life and sometimes I feel like I don't deserve him. I ask myself....why does he even want to be with me? I come with a lot of baggage. If he can deal with that has to be very patient and remember that he is my future and the past is just that. I don't want to go back in time. I only want to move forward and start our new life together. Everything that has happened in my life up until this moment has led me to him. That is the way that I look at it anyhow. So there you have it. I'm sure I'll hear about this tonight when we talk. I love you.