Sunday, February 19, 2012
Nobody can understand how I feel about what I am about to do in the near future....except for me. Believe me I do know how it might sound to others and if I were looking at it as a person watching someone else do this, I might feel the same way. There are different kinds of beginnings. Someone said to me, you are going to move in with a man without dating, no courtship and so on and you will just live together as a couple. There is no beginning. But ah.....there is. There are so many kinds of beginnings. Just because what I am choosing to do does not fit into the norm, it does not mean it is wrong. It is right for me, and it right for him. Our beginning is right now, this moment.
When I was 19 years old and got married, I already had a baby and I did what I thought was right at the time. I put myself into the role of being a wife and a mother. I had three more wonderful children. For a long time, I forgot about me. Back then I was a different person than I am now. I had no faith, no beliefs..... I found out along the way I needed something more. Slowly I began to search out what felt right. When it all started to come together I realized that I could not be with a person who had not grown spiritually and did not have an open mind to accept what I believed in. So, I moved on.
Life is a journey of learning. I spent almost eight years with a man who I felt at the time was someone who I could share my faith with. He was someone with whom I could have long discussions about subjects that I really didn't feel that I could talk to anyone else about. He understood me and I learned a lot from him. I'm not going to go into details about it because much of it is already on my blog. The relationship that we had lasted exactly as long as it was meant to and not a moment more. As hurt as I was when it was over....mostly about the way that it ended...I now realize that it was for the best.
Ok so here I am again in a situation that may seem similar to my previous relationship. But really, it is much different. I am not the same person I was 8 years ago. And I am most definitely not the same person I was when I was a young married teenager. I may be a Grandmother but that does not mean I am not capable of having desires and longings and even feelings of lust. (bad Grandma!) But even those feelings are not what it is about. Last night my daughter's fiance` asked me....Why don't you find a man here and just get laid? Then you would forget about Peter pretty fast. Ah.....the innocence of the young.
We are all connected. We all come from the same Source. So I wonder why people think it is a surprise when you meet somebody and you feel a connection like you have always known each other. It is just soul remembrance. Is that another word for Destiny? Maybe it is. When you feel that you know somebody on a soul level....there really does not have to be a beginning because what you have... has always been. Most people won't get this....I know. But that is ok. I am following the path that I am meant to follow just as we all do.
Love, Light and Peace to y'all.